What’s in a pothole?
As a divorce lawyer, I learned that couples didn’t spend thousands of dollars arguing about who gets the teapot; they were fighting over what remains of their shattered hopes and dreams as a couple. In the same way, people don’t come to public hearings to complain about the potholes on their street; they need to vent long-standing frustrations about the government.
In other words, that pothole is filled with the public’s …
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· Anger at policies that hurt the little guy, like when NAFTA sent manufacturing jobs to Mexico.
· Dread over global forces like AI, climate change, and European dictators who increase our grocery bills on an imperial whim.
· Fear that society is moving so fast that they won't recognize it—or their families—even ten years from now.
Many people today feel powerless to shape their destiny. They have nowhere to turn and believe that the government doesn’t care about them anymore. Even if this mistrust originates at the federal level, the only outlet for public rage and despair is local, so public hearings have become increasingly uncivil.
You might wonder why any of this is your concern as a leader (“I just need to fix the potholes, Bub.”). The problem is that if you fix the problem without addressing the public’s underlying emotions …
· Those hard feelings will keep coming back until you do address them.
· Mistrust in government will continue to grow because people will never feel heard.
· Your public engagement will never lead to a problem-solving partnership with the public.
Your relationship with the public will shift when you see public expressions of powerlessness as an opportunity to build trust. If you can truly be with people as they express their deepest pain, they will know they can trust you with anything.
But what does it take to truly “be with” someone who is upset, especially as they stand at a podium during a public hearing? First, you need to validate their point of view. Simply taking 15 seconds to validate someone after they testify would dramatically increase civility during public hearings.
Second, empathize with the public. People will never accept your answer or solution unless they know that you care about them, and the best way to show you care is to feel their pain. As I learned from a nutrition counselor, patients with eating disorders won’t follow any recommendations until the counselor has understood and empathized with their painful backstory. The public needs the same before they can accept your explanation or solution.
To find empathy while under attack, consider the public’s backstory on that issue before the hearing. For example, once I realized that my teenage daughter wasn’t just angry about her curfew – that she was frustrated that she had to wait to be an adult, like all teenagers – my listening softened, and I could “be with” her in a more profound way.
Third, and most importantly, don’t make the public give testimony at all; change the meeting format from testimony to conversation – where people can speak their pain in small groups of peers where they will feel safe and heard by sympathetic ears. Rather than ask for the public’s opinion, have them tell a story of a lived experience of the problem, shifting the conversation from conceptual argument to fundamental understanding.
Ultimately, the public hearing format will never allow the dialog necessary to help people work through their pain. Corporate teams regularly go on day-long retreats to break down the emotional barriers that separate them. While you can’t go on retreat with your public, you can restructure public conversation for intimacy and reframe your intention as empathy. With these shifts, you can “be with” whatever public emotions lurk in their potholes and give people what they need to move into solution.
From Constituents to Community is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber.
